I'm feeling good.....

First week of University almost over. I can't believe it.

I'm feeling more confident about myself than I ever have in my life because, well I don't know. I suppose I have  had a lot of support over the past couple of months on the upcoming track to Uni from friends and family and I feel very appreciated at this stage therefore it makes me appreciate myself. There is also the aspect of going to a new city and making friends, beginning a course that should hopefully set me up for a career in Photography. For once on this blog I don't feel like I want to complain. I don't tend to be the negative kind of girl at all; optimism is always something I strive for but everyone has their down and dark moments.

The hour commute to Ealing Broadway is a mixture of things; Beautiful countryside speeding past you, letting your mind wander with your iPod soundtracking the journey. It doesn't half stop at every station though when you are whipped back into reality panicking mildly to see if you should be getting off. Lots of walking too as well as train. Walking too and from my house and then another fifteen minute walk once I have arrived in the West of London.

My first day was Monday; my heart fluttering away as I was finding the most suitable piece of clothing that would give me the optimum impression of myself. After resulting to a maroon cable knitted jumper dress, that hugged my figure without looking trashy; I headed out of the door 20 minutes early than being early/on time to catch my first train to Ealing Broadway.
I certainly felt a sense of home when I got there. Always living in the same place surely would have made me feel lost but I could really feel my feet here.
The enrollment was pretty lonely thing. Once I went through the glass doors I was handed a Student Union card for the Freshers week but feeling pretty hungry I headed for the refreshments bar for a muffin and some water. There was a lot of people watching going on, while I was sitting at round table on my own. People seemed to already know each other; maybe from the Halls or from a similar area but I quite liked I was doing this on my own. I did however feel that I should probably start making friends and talking to people this was never an easy talent of mine. I am a friendly face that people come over to talk to. Not often have I been the kind of person to form contact because I had always been to shy. None the less after I finished lunching I had my picture taken, picked up my ID card and sorted through Finance. Three hours and that was it. Done. Enrolment complete. I did take a look at the SU Bar, Freddies, named after the legendary music man Freddie Mercury of Queen.

Tuesday was mainly an Induction Day. I became familiar with my tutor, Neil and the Photography staff. I was given my timetable of two days a week (lecture time) though I believe that will be subject to change once I've made friends with the Dark Room. I feel like I am on way being a Digital Photography genius but still using Auto (GUILTY) I am still technically known as an amateur. Film, depth of field, apeture and f-stops are still mind-boggling to me. I have some knowledge but I can't yet apply them. That, I thought I would be learning come the second year...err no actually next week. Am I the owner of a film camera? No. Ah this is going to be interesting. I always feel like I'm the last one to finish, come practical assignments. Everyone seems to be know-it-alls in my class..well the outspoken ones anyway. Least I have made a friend who chilled out with me over the day. Even visited the library for Photography books. What nerds.

Exciting day tomorrow and I should probably be catching up on my sleep right now, regardless of a Wednesday day off. Early start, commute begins and off to the Tate Modern for a Photography exhibtion. Finding my own way there...interesting. Never done London on my own before.

I know this is a Photography blog but for those of you out there keeping count..I will add some photos soon. Words speak louder than pictures right now.

Ta

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

Photography at University...one step closer..

I guess it really shows how long it has been since I have written, but I am liking Blogger's new interface; the old one was just not inspiring, I was never really keen, but this WOW!

Now, this post isn't about me talking about Blogger updating itself or how long I've written because more often than not, thats how I start my posts. Agreeably boring, I know.

University:
Now this certainly sounds like a big word, an overwhelming word that is on the lips of many of my friends at this current time. Some have already made tracks, the furthest being best friend from secondary school, Molly, who has taken a five hour journey up to York to begin the next chapter of her life. Where am I going? London! West London that is pretty much a forty-five minute train journey from my little village on the river Thames that I have literally spend my whole life growing up.
Unlike the majority of friends who are going to University, I'll be enrolling tomorrow for the FdA course in Photography and then at the end of the day...coming home....

Yeah..that doesn't sound quite how the normal stretch of University life is but coping with the fact I haven't been allocated a place in Halls means that I will be commuting two to three days a week for my lectures.
It would have just been so much easier for me to live there and as much as I hate cooking, cleaning and all sorts, I actually WANT to do those things. I'm a person of many facets. My inner child is very much still with me but I need to put aside that part of me for the time being and really concentrating on the responsibilities of growing up. It just hasn't really hit me yet that I'm going to University. It's like saying it is Christmas Eve today and tomorrow will be the exciting Christmas Day and what do you expect...presents. My day tomorrow feels like the big Christmas Day but without the presents...just the big meal, which to me will be the meeting of new faces and the induction of my course.

I'm not really the religious type but Christmas Day isn't really about presents and we all know it, but it's the thing that most un-religious people look forward to. As much as I love it too, I feel that we're being kind of greedy and I can relate to that with my accommodation. Christmas is about the message of being Thankful. I should be Thankful that I'm going to University and the one I have wanted to go to since I set eyes on it. It has been competitive statistically this year and some people didn't even get the University they wanted to and had to go through clearing. Some may not have had that at all.

I wish the best of luck to my friends who are living away from their homes, it is such a big big thing and very very brave. I may get my accommodation soon but for the time being I need to stop being selfish and be Thankful I'm getting half of what I wanted rather than nothing at all.

I'm still going to Uni but just in a different experience to everyone else. I suppose I have always been the kind of person who goes against the crowd.

Here is to the beginning of Photography!!!

I thought it took a long time,but today I felt inspired...

When you disappear for a while, it tends to have something to do with being stuck in a rut. Maybe there is a problem that you need to curl away to a safe place and have a real good think about much value this situation has?

I won't say I have been hiding, because I haven't. 26th February was a while ago now, and part of me thinks that the space of time from then to now should have been filled and there were opportunities where it could have been, but I wasn't inspired to write. Inspiration has brought me here to today.

People say that inspiration can just come from the mind of any area of subject but I feel the power of inspiration can not just come from within yourself but subconscious help from another person and the help of magic of the Arts. I suppose that Sciences and Philosophy could blossom into inspiration but that is not important to me. I am a creative soul. I breathe the art of song, the lyrics are my conversation, my feelings and self expression, dance is my ability to move and discover the world and photography is my escape for the yearning of freedom and independence that I significantly need to feel a balance in myself. Without these elements I would feel claustrophobic, suffocated and lost. I would feel no purpose.

I feel like I have been floating, drifting in and out of possible inspiration, getting me close to my dream of being a Photographer. This has been since February. Now, finished with college and I can really begin with my future orientated way approach to life because the future is now. I was getting down and being a recluse to the world because I just wanted to get somewhere. All I would do on my blog posts would be complain that I wasn't inspired and that was the only reason I had something to write about, because I had done nothing. I wanted to be ready for university with some inspiration to believe I had something to work on a head start. I had no subject. I had no focus. Back in January in my second interview at The University of West London there was no story about the pieces of photography I had put in. "They were experimental", I would say to pretty much each one, but what got me a conditional offer was my passion and determination in this subject even though they thought I wasn't up to scratch. But seriously?! I have to start somewhere, I'm not going to be amazing just yet. Just decent enough.

I want to work with people in my Photography career. To capture couples special wedding day, family portraits and do tasks for people because I enjoy it so much. I hadn't yet come across anyone who was interested in having their photo done so I stuck to the silence of nature and landscapes and the natural patience nature has was a good beginner. Imagine trying to take a picture of someone and they get all hot headed about things because the photographer is still working out how to use the more complex techniques with the camera. I'm getting there, still a little intimidated by the flicks and switches but I'm building some strength up and saying I can do this.

I went to Devon again over the last week and took some landscape pictures but not many - I wasn't inspired. I had already uploaded the last visit to Flickr and created a blog post but when I got back I had a task at hand; To edit some photos, and this is where my inspiration and drive for photography recovered. A good friend of mine is another creative soul with deep interest and aspiration into the Performing Arts. One the many passions of his; to model has taken me by storm to use my freedom and self expressive imagination to create a scenes of what I like to think is the concept of an idealist coming to life. Fantasy and out of this world situations that a viewer can look for a few moments and connect with the thoughts and mind of the artist. And I have been inspired. So thank you.

A photo can be anything. But all photos, no matter how busy the scene is they are still blank canvases and it is rare that once they are taken they are complete. The photos in magazines and photographers portfolios and so on are enhanced. Mostly because, to me the orginal photo is the surface but the deeper you go with enhancing the more you find what the image is trying to say. I seemed to find that when editing these photos and helping someone achieve their own goals makes feel a whole world of good too. I am not taking full credit for these photos because I didn't take them I would say it would be more of a 25% editing and 75% the original composition.

I feel secure in saying my Photography journey can now continue to an ever better future...

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

Seeing beauty in the most depressive of weathers...

Took a trip down to Devon with my family this week and though it was rainy and cloudy I still saw the beauty in the countryside and my surroundings there. I love the coastal areas. The fresh sea air that captivates and revitalizes the lungs, the wind wrapping itself round your hair. It smells like freedom.

With the pictures I took the weather offered me the perfect opportunity to capture dramatic monotone shades. I love black and white. There is something very classical and vintage about them that excites me. I remember I used to hate black and white film because I was always so curious to know what colours the subjects were wearing, the colour of their hair, eyes and skin, but now I love how black complements white and all the many shades of grey in between. I definitely see art there. However, there is always a time and place for black and white, and getting it wrong can destroy the aesthetics of a photograph. So in a way I was lucky that the skies were dramatic and could capture what old Torquay and Teignmouth may have been like. I am not a fan of historic matters but the history of a place and a photography interest me so much.

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photosin my blog andmore then click the followinglink:http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

Dreams really do come true...as cliche as it sounds...

26th January was a while ago...

It was one of the most influential and life changing days of my life but I felt too tired to write it record all here in my blog. The excuses keep rolling in: the same old "I have been so busy". Well it is true but great news has to be shared and not kept just in fabricated journal with lines in it. With the blog I can just focus one subject such a Photography and keep my person life, well personal.

Overcast as a typical British day is was the Wednesday I had my interview. My parents drove down to London, with me in back seat intently listening to my iPod and building up my confidence. My new blue handbag that concealed my portfolio that I had been working so aggressively trying to get it picture perfect (literally) - it didn't help that my mouse on my computer stopped working, preventing me to finish editing so I could watch Dancing on Ice that Sunday night, ready by the Monday for printing and prep on Tuesday for Wednesday.

I didn't feel too nervous on the day, and having some lunch at Starbucks helped calm me down even more. Mum and Dad dropped me off so they could do some shopping and have another cup of coffee but I was thrown into the foyer at Ealing ready for checking in and having the eyes of my competitors curiously looking at me. People looked friendly, they were just sitting around and coming in with my classic yellow coat and white chunky knitted scarf was sure to turn a few heads. The boring bit begun with a presentation about the Arts at The University of West London that only focused on films that had been made from Graphic Design graduates... Err where was the Photography work? Two whole rows of the theatre filled up of aspiring Photographers sat at the back of the room, feel confused, playing on Blackberries and reading books. (Ok that was only the girl next to me but you get the point)

Separated into our subjects the Photography group were taken to the main studio, where I had been once before and got told more about the course. We then waited in the Apple Mac suite and seriously every girl and every guy signed on to Facebook as soon as we were told we could check our "emails".. like yeah thats what teenagers do.HELLO?? We are checking updates on one of the most tedious websites in the world to see if someone has commented/liked our latest statuses or whos friend of a friend has been tagged in a really embarrassing picture. I have to admit I did this as well but I don't think the rest of the room was as observant as I was.

My interview finally got on the way and as I had my pre-interview with the same man, I was able just to chat my way through my portfolio but resulted to basically saying everything is an experimentation - well it is. Nick wanted to see more structure and planning to my work - why did you take this image - what is the message it is trying to covey. That didn' t sound hard but it is having inspiration forced on you that is the problem.

He then said that I was "obviously very enthusiastic and passionate so I am going to give you conditional place.."

I AM IN FOR THE WIN!

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

New Year beginning the career...?

Two weeks into the new year and my photography side of life is feeling motivated. It takes a new year to make a fresh start to me. Applying to University, really getting my life started and becoming in adult in just under three months.

After a bit of the waiting game, I have finally heard from my top choice (University of West London) which are giving inviting me to an interview on the 26th January, only 11 days away. All is fine and dandy with a spark of excitement accept UCAS the application station, has not yet processed the invite and therefore is disabling me to reply to this amazing University. The deadline is today which makes it even worse, but what can I do? I have already emailed the university to say I will accept and UCAS is being delayed. I will just have sit and wait....

However, sitting and waiting around is just asking for stress to flood over you. With the rare amount of spaces of free time I have, I managed to really get to know my camera. I have had it for a a year and few months and to be honest, only really knew the basics. It was intimidating and I was busy...sound like an excuse? Feel a bit bad, but due to my pre-interview I had back in November, the course leader was impressed with the portfolio I had created so far. I knew now that I had to up my game and I mean UP IT! I needed to get the hang of f/stops and what aperture really meant. ...

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

The silent flakes of silent thoughts... Merry Christmas!

"Snow is falling,

around us,

children playing,

having fun

tis the season,

for love and understanding,

Merry Christmas everyone.."

It is the 5 day run-up to Christmas 2010, snow is falling and it is all round us, well certainly on the whole of England it is. It is beautiful, looking out of the frosted windows, icicles and cold,wet, fluffy swirling flakes from the sky. It was definite MUST for me to grab my camera and capture the rare snowing occasion and the possible chance of a proper white Christmas.I was dissapointed, and I hate negetivity at the best of times but at this time of year, I hate it. We can't escape it though and I think Brits have just grown accustom to it all. We do cheer up and come together with our families, wrap, give and recive presents, it is all so exciting.

A thought came to me as munched on some chocolate buttons, that I haven't really done much Photography in a long time; haven't uploaded to Flickr due to not renewing my pro account. I have been busy buying for people rather than treating myself to a new £15 membership so people can present my photos. I want to be a photographer, and if you didn't know yet well you probably will. It is not that I'm trying to force myself to like it but I haven't really been inspired to Photograph anything for myself. An epiphany came to me quite recently telling me that I enjoy doing photography for other people rather than myself. Though I have been doingworkexperience this year, I have taking photos for weddings, for festivals for people rather than for me, just to print off or store on my computer. Thats what I want my career to be. To take photos to help out people, for their purpose and not mine. Family portraits, for me to feel special enough to capture the happy family moments and to feel I have done something charitable. It is all in my nature and knowing my personality type, makes me feel that I canpick out each aspect with such detail.

I love being an INFP (Introvert.iNtuitive. Feeling. Perceiving) Myers Briggs personality type. I love doing things for people. I get this buzz that makes me feel worthwhile. Photography will help me achieve that. I used to photography for myself, just objects that I value but soon after, I took Photos for the purpose of the Flickr community. Without the renewal it is been like I have disappeared from that life, when I will be needing it the most, in less than a year.

I have my weaknesses. I don't realise when I have done enough work, I over do things. I am a perfectionist. I don't give myself enough credit or realise I have done a sufficient amount when I have. Worst of all is that I'm not organised. I find it so hard. My room is a mess, the house I will be living in the future will be a mess, the only things that are keeping me organised is the fact that I have college timetable for my week, I have a family who are born with natural organisation but if I push myself and value the things in my life, I can do things. I CAN BE ORGANISED!

I know by the time university comes along that I will organised, academically I am with projects, I am set but I can't set my own projects without taking months to achieve them. I think this is why working for other people and set deadlines works for me because I have got purpose, they are counting on me and I don't want to let them down. This could be from teachers, lectures, family and friends, Commissioners and clients. I know that is my calling and I'm going to do something about it in the new year. I have got a chance to renew!

Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!