Seeing beauty in the most depressive of weathers...

Took a trip down to Devon with my family this week and though it was rainy and cloudy I still saw the beauty in the countryside and my surroundings there. I love the coastal areas. The fresh sea air that captivates and revitalizes the lungs, the wind wrapping itself round your hair. It smells like freedom.

With the pictures I took the weather offered me the perfect opportunity to capture dramatic monotone shades. I love black and white. There is something very classical and vintage about them that excites me. I remember I used to hate black and white film because I was always so curious to know what colours the subjects were wearing, the colour of their hair, eyes and skin, but now I love how black complements white and all the many shades of grey in between. I definitely see art there. However, there is always a time and place for black and white, and getting it wrong can destroy the aesthetics of a photograph. So in a way I was lucky that the skies were dramatic and could capture what old Torquay and Teignmouth may have been like. I am not a fan of historic matters but the history of a place and a photography interest me so much.

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photosin my blog andmore then click the followinglink:http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

Dreams really do come true...as cliche as it sounds...

26th January was a while ago...

It was one of the most influential and life changing days of my life but I felt too tired to write it record all here in my blog. The excuses keep rolling in: the same old "I have been so busy". Well it is true but great news has to be shared and not kept just in fabricated journal with lines in it. With the blog I can just focus one subject such a Photography and keep my person life, well personal.

Overcast as a typical British day is was the Wednesday I had my interview. My parents drove down to London, with me in back seat intently listening to my iPod and building up my confidence. My new blue handbag that concealed my portfolio that I had been working so aggressively trying to get it picture perfect (literally) - it didn't help that my mouse on my computer stopped working, preventing me to finish editing so I could watch Dancing on Ice that Sunday night, ready by the Monday for printing and prep on Tuesday for Wednesday.

I didn't feel too nervous on the day, and having some lunch at Starbucks helped calm me down even more. Mum and Dad dropped me off so they could do some shopping and have another cup of coffee but I was thrown into the foyer at Ealing ready for checking in and having the eyes of my competitors curiously looking at me. People looked friendly, they were just sitting around and coming in with my classic yellow coat and white chunky knitted scarf was sure to turn a few heads. The boring bit begun with a presentation about the Arts at The University of West London that only focused on films that had been made from Graphic Design graduates... Err where was the Photography work? Two whole rows of the theatre filled up of aspiring Photographers sat at the back of the room, feel confused, playing on Blackberries and reading books. (Ok that was only the girl next to me but you get the point)

Separated into our subjects the Photography group were taken to the main studio, where I had been once before and got told more about the course. We then waited in the Apple Mac suite and seriously every girl and every guy signed on to Facebook as soon as we were told we could check our "emails".. like yeah thats what teenagers do.HELLO?? We are checking updates on one of the most tedious websites in the world to see if someone has commented/liked our latest statuses or whos friend of a friend has been tagged in a really embarrassing picture. I have to admit I did this as well but I don't think the rest of the room was as observant as I was.

My interview finally got on the way and as I had my pre-interview with the same man, I was able just to chat my way through my portfolio but resulted to basically saying everything is an experimentation - well it is. Nick wanted to see more structure and planning to my work - why did you take this image - what is the message it is trying to covey. That didn' t sound hard but it is having inspiration forced on you that is the problem.

He then said that I was "obviously very enthusiastic and passionate so I am going to give you conditional place.."

I AM IN FOR THE WIN!

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

New Year beginning the career...?

Two weeks into the new year and my photography side of life is feeling motivated. It takes a new year to make a fresh start to me. Applying to University, really getting my life started and becoming in adult in just under three months.

After a bit of the waiting game, I have finally heard from my top choice (University of West London) which are giving inviting me to an interview on the 26th January, only 11 days away. All is fine and dandy with a spark of excitement accept UCAS the application station, has not yet processed the invite and therefore is disabling me to reply to this amazing University. The deadline is today which makes it even worse, but what can I do? I have already emailed the university to say I will accept and UCAS is being delayed. I will just have sit and wait....

However, sitting and waiting around is just asking for stress to flood over you. With the rare amount of spaces of free time I have, I managed to really get to know my camera. I have had it for a a year and few months and to be honest, only really knew the basics. It was intimidating and I was busy...sound like an excuse? Feel a bit bad, but due to my pre-interview I had back in November, the course leader was impressed with the portfolio I had created so far. I knew now that I had to up my game and I mean UP IT! I needed to get the hang of f/stops and what aperture really meant. ...

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

The silent flakes of silent thoughts... Merry Christmas!

"Snow is falling,

around us,

children playing,

having fun

tis the season,

for love and understanding,

Merry Christmas everyone.."

It is the 5 day run-up to Christmas 2010, snow is falling and it is all round us, well certainly on the whole of England it is. It is beautiful, looking out of the frosted windows, icicles and cold,wet, fluffy swirling flakes from the sky. It was definite MUST for me to grab my camera and capture the rare snowing occasion and the possible chance of a proper white Christmas.I was dissapointed, and I hate negetivity at the best of times but at this time of year, I hate it. We can't escape it though and I think Brits have just grown accustom to it all. We do cheer up and come together with our families, wrap, give and recive presents, it is all so exciting.

A thought came to me as munched on some chocolate buttons, that I haven't really done much Photography in a long time; haven't uploaded to Flickr due to not renewing my pro account. I have been busy buying for people rather than treating myself to a new £15 membership so people can present my photos. I want to be a photographer, and if you didn't know yet well you probably will. It is not that I'm trying to force myself to like it but I haven't really been inspired to Photograph anything for myself. An epiphany came to me quite recently telling me that I enjoy doing photography for other people rather than myself. Though I have been doingworkexperience this year, I have taking photos for weddings, for festivals for people rather than for me, just to print off or store on my computer. Thats what I want my career to be. To take photos to help out people, for their purpose and not mine. Family portraits, for me to feel special enough to capture the happy family moments and to feel I have done something charitable. It is all in my nature and knowing my personality type, makes me feel that I canpick out each aspect with such detail.

I love being an INFP (Introvert.iNtuitive. Feeling. Perceiving) Myers Briggs personality type. I love doing things for people. I get this buzz that makes me feel worthwhile. Photography will help me achieve that. I used to photography for myself, just objects that I value but soon after, I took Photos for the purpose of the Flickr community. Without the renewal it is been like I have disappeared from that life, when I will be needing it the most, in less than a year.

I have my weaknesses. I don't realise when I have done enough work, I over do things. I am a perfectionist. I don't give myself enough credit or realise I have done a sufficient amount when I have. Worst of all is that I'm not organised. I find it so hard. My room is a mess, the house I will be living in the future will be a mess, the only things that are keeping me organised is the fact that I have college timetable for my week, I have a family who are born with natural organisation but if I push myself and value the things in my life, I can do things. I CAN BE ORGANISED!

I know by the time university comes along that I will organised, academically I am with projects, I am set but I can't set my own projects without taking months to achieve them. I think this is why working for other people and set deadlines works for me because I have got purpose, they are counting on me and I don't want to let them down. This could be from teachers, lectures, family and friends, Commissioners and clients. I know that is my calling and I'm going to do something about it in the new year. I have got a chance to renew!

Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year!

Photography...Uni to uni...

High expectations can sometimes leave you deflated...

Ever been invited to a friends house you have never been to before and expect it to look like something else, bigger? smaller? or how generally things are laid out? This also may occur if this friend has friend you haven't met and you imagine how they look like. Usually you are completly wrong, but with houses and people isn't much of a bother to me, I just accept it there and then, almost subconsciously.

However, if you are looking for a place where you are going to study for the next to three years it has got to be a good one. A clean and bright environment, small enough to feel at home and reach halls of residence and the university all in a few minutes. I am a dreamer and an idealist, as I probably have mentioned before and being realistic only hits me when its what I have been given.

Over the last few weeks I have been to my four open days that I have applied for. The University of West London was my first visit - dotted campuses over the city, with the Arts and Photography building right next to the highstreet and 10 minutes away from the main station line so I can pop back and forth to home when I need to with in 45 minutes. The accomedation as well...cute, small and livable, with 6 rooms and a kitchenette area. Perfect!

I am not a city girl, brought up in the British countryside in a village so small it is basically a drive through with everything so close and easy to access. I couldn't imagine moving half way across the country on my own, but I want some independence but on the right scale. I want to meet people alike and live and learn what it is like to look after ones self. The newly re-built campus is of perfect size and I totally fell in love with the course as well. All the skills of Photography I need: contemporary/hisotric, digital/film, business studies/work experience...

I decided there and then that this is the University I want to go to...

...but, it doesn't work like that. I had three other choices, so then on, with high expectations, I was looking for modern clean cut universities that held the potential of London. A few towns out of London was Farnbourgh, the next university on my list that offered the Foundation Photography degree.

Disappointment 1

- Farnbourgh is known as Farnbourgh Technical College ( it isn't even a university at all, it is a college, that looks very much like my secondary school, that does higher education courses)

I want a university feel, stepping forward in education not going back to school. I didn't realise until my forth uni visit today (that I will mention later ) is in fact I am very fussy and picky. I thought it was just taste for food but apparently not..

An odd set up of a college; one long corridor with a glass greenhouse roof on the ground floor, some staircases with some short white-washed corridors and some large rooms that held many photographic studios and vibrant computer suites...

Now I am reflecting over Farnbourgh it actually sounds quite pleasant but there is no accommodation, only expensive train commutes and a lecturer who slags off wedding photography. Yeah that put me off a bit. Yes, fine, the lectures want their students to be at the top of industry but I am not saying that I don't want to be. I just want to leave uni with a degree and get some jobs that will help me create my own photography business so I can be free with my work.

At the time, Farnbourgh was at the bottom of the pile, regarding I hadn't yet seen Westminster "University" (college) or Bournemouth University (University College of Arts - Bournemouth).

I am just going to be frank - my main disappointment was Westminster. The total lack of organization for the open day, the behavior and attitudes of the current students did not make you feel welcome and the building itself was one of the most disgusting places I have ever been to. Despite the fact that there will be a new modern building the college is moving to - no one got a chance to look at it. There was one virtual tour that lasted 2 minutes. No talking, no discussion. The only good I got out of the Photography tour was the information about the course. Finally , no accommodation or character.

How many of you have reached this paragraph? I apologize for the great length but choosing a university and the right course to begin a life profession is one of the most life changing decisions that will be made. So bare with me, readers.

Lastly, today was the Bournemouth University open day. An hour and a half drive, waking up at 6.30 on a Saturday was a lot of effort to make. Arriving at the university, gave me an all right impression. The main building looked a bit old and grubby but well in tact. Inside however was so clean and bright, with space and community. Before registering in the open day, I had a look around the main floor, where there was resources shop, a bit like a WH Smiths that had university hoodies. I instantly felt I wanted a hoddie of my own and this place would definitely be on the wavelength of University of West London. After a checking in, I found my name hadn't been registered which I found quite odd but discarded the thought as soon as a student ambassador asked me if I needed any help finding where I was going. I asked where the Photography block was and pointed me in the direction of the sports hall where I could talk to the course leader...

Disappointment 3

WRONG UNIVERSITY OF BOURNEMOUTH!!!!!!!

So where was the one I was supposed to be at, the one I had been registered at? Well it was a five minute walk across the road to the University College of Arts Bournemouth, where I have never had such a deflation of disappointment. It wasn't the modern looking building I thought it was...not Bournemouth University. Green plastic floored corridors, red piping and lack of lighting...I was not impressed.

Yes ok, I am drifting off Photography ALOT but I chose those places to look at because I want to do Photography. What I didn't realise is that where I study and the environment I am in, is almost as important as the degree course itself. The course that they offered there was a Commercial Photography Degree which sounded interesting with a lot of placement work and digital and film units but not much that specialized in Photography other than fashion and being commissioned for magazines. I am looking for more portraiture, landscapes and weddings, bit I am finding this uni search all so hard and overwhelming.

At the end of the day I felt the uni was too small (which is strange for me) but I am considering if university is the best thing for me. I have my heart set on London and getting a place on the fDa Photography course there is competitive. If I don't get it then I am going to have to open some doors and let some new options flow in. Maybe an apprenticeship...practical first hand experience. The other universities however I will have to see if I get an offer and decide then if any of them are right for me.

So I will end this blog post with a metaphor on my thoughts of university.

"I feel like I am a wearing a big knitted jumper that is too big for me. I feel so lost inside with so many holes of opportunities I don't know how I can fulfill."

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

inspriation and photography

Inspiration can never be wasted in my eyes. I have probably mentioned this before but it is just one of those things. My spark of inspiration is so short lived and can only stay pure for a limited amount of time. Frustrating isn't it?

I know I have had some absence from blogger and by no means intentional. The thing is, it is has not been that I haven't had anything to talk about, but the fact that I have been so busy, I haven't been able to find the time.

As we are now in the depths of Autumn, it is my favourite season for new beginnings and sweeping away sorrows that were once of yesterday. I have a metaphorical connection with Autumn and has a lot has happened that I would like to share with you.

- Firstly I have begun my second and final year at college and I am beginning to learn about commission and advertising that will be useful in the real world.University is only around the corner so I have been working on my application and personal statement to show how intrigued I am with photography and what is means to me through my expressions of work.

- Secondly, following on with prep for uni, I have had a look at some of the Higher Education Colleges and Universities that teach Photography Foundation degrees. I am not going to lie but I really don't know that much about the technical and commercial sides of Photography, so this is why I am going to uni, to learn about this stuff.

-Thirdly as part of my Creative and Media Diploma, I have finally been given a unit were I can work freely and create what I want, that expresses my views on life and society in general. The unit is called Extended Project and it includes a lot of production and development work to create a piece that is targeted at a certain audience or a message that you want to perceive. I am combining a bit of both and expressing my message through photography, by create a collage piece of the different stereotypes of teens. I feel ever so strongly about this because at college everywhere I go you get all these people who want to fit in and dress and act in a certain way. I know sometimes even I fit into this category but, who doesn't, its human nature. However I feel though that there are different degrees of trying to feel accepted and I try my best to dress in what I feel is comfortable and dress and appear how I think I am. A reflection of the person inside...

I should probably wrap it up from here and get on with that weedy coursework that I have to do in order to go to uni and start a life in the real world.

Fun times..

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/

Bunkfest [Day 3 of 3]

Finally the third day...

I sound like I didn't enjoy it, but the thing was I really did. It has been a long day and after taking photos and editing as many as I can before I goon holiday tomorrow is stressing me out a little. I am feeling negative.

Before I go on about the festival today I will show you how I felt this morning and my opinions about yesterdays photos.

"I'm going over and editing the photos. It is always a long process especially if you

have shot them in RAW. One thing I'm finding annoying is the same mistakes I have been making in

some other the pictures, now i can really see them. there may be a blurred hand or I hadn't

checked thed depth of field or when I have been focusing on taking a picture of one person, I've

cut half the guitar of another person. I'm feeling dissapointed with myself. I felt so happy

and proud yesterday I'm missed out some of the major details. I'm worried what the oraganiser

will think but I'm trying to use as many of the good ones as possible. Oh well, this what

pracice and learning is all about.

I just hope I can do better today and remember the details and check my camera. "

Yeah, I didn't feel too confident about how my photos would turn out today and I had some mixed views about my progress. I basically filled in any of the gaps I hadn't done yet, such as visiting live bands in pubs, I hadn't yet been to etc. I kept a close eye on my camera settings and made sure there wasn't any blurry pictures. I felt a did a good job as I was aware of those things. I even visited more of the interesting workshops that were set on my list and met some friendly people, who weren't at all photo-shy.

By all the means the experience was exciting and if I wasn't so tired then I could probably go on and on about my day. I think if you are not used to working it can be very over-welming and hard work on your body. I still think photography is what I want to do right now, the photo-editing though and just get a tad boring at times.

Want to visit my Flickr photostream with the featured photos in my blog and more then click the following link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brown_eyed_dreamer/